HUSBANDS FOR SALE ! !

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch .. . .. you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but
you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Please send this to all men for a good laugh and to all the women who can handle the truth :):):):):). ....

Call Center vs Customer

1). Tech Support: “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.“



Customer “Ok.“



Tech Support: “Did you get a pop-up menu?“



Customer: “No.“



Tech Support: “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?“



Customer “No.“



Tech Support:: “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?“



Customer: “Sure, you told me to write ‘click‘ and I wrote ‘click‘.“



--------------------------------------------------

2) Customer: “I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message.“



Tech Support:: “Did you install the update?“



Customer: “No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?“



--------------------------------------------------



3).Customer:: “I‘m having trouble installing Microsoft Word.“



Tech Support:: “Tell me what you‘ve done.“



Customer: “I typed ‘A:SETUP‘.“



Tech Support:: “Ma‘am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.“



Customer:: “It says ‘[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk‘.“



Tech Support:: “Insert the MS Word setup disk.“



Customer:: “What?“



Tech Support: “Did you buy MS word?“



Customer: “No...“



--------------------------------------------------



4).Customer:: “Do I need a computer to use your software?“



Tech Support:: ?!%#$



--------------------------------------------------



5).Tech Support:: “Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, canyou see the ‘OK‘ button displayed?“



Customer: “Wow. How can you see my screen from there?“



--------------------------------------------------



6) Tech Support:: “What type of computer do you have?“



Customer:: “A white one.“



--------------------------------------------------



7). Tech Support:: “Type ‘A:‘ at the prompt.“



Customer:: “How do you spell that?“



--------------------------------------------------



. Tech Support: “What‘s on your screen right now?“



Customer: “A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store.“



--------------------------------------------------



9). Tech Support:: “What operating system are you running?“



Customer: “Pentium.“



--------------------------------------------------



10). Customer: “My computer‘s telling me I performed an illegal abortion.“



--------------------------------------------------



11).Customer: “I have Microsoft Exploder.“



--------------------------------------------------



12).Customer: “How do I print my voicemail?“



--------------------------------------------------



13). Customer: “You‘ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won‘t boot properly.“



Tech Support: “What does it say?“



Customer: “Something about an error and non-system disk.“



Tech Support: “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?“



Customer: “No, but there‘s a sticker saying there‘s an Intel inside.“



--------------------------------------------------



14). Tech Support: “Just call us back if there‘s a problem. We‘re open 24 hours.“



Customer: “Is that Eastern time?“



--------------------------------------------------



15). Tech Support:: “What does the screen say now?“



Customer: “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready‘.“



Tech Support:: “Well?“



Customer: “How do I know when it‘s ready?“

I Love u 2

Sardar g ap ko kabi kisi se pyar hua?
Han yar! Per wo manti hi nahi!

"Kia kehti hay?"

"Kehti hay

'I LOVE U 2'

pata nahi ye dosra kon hay.

USTAAD???

Ek Gao Main Ek Nahi (Barber) Rehta Tha.
Uska Ek Chela v tha jo us se kaam sikh raha tha.
Chela Nai ko Ustaad Keh kar pukarta tha...
Uske Chele k Shadi Hui...
Phir Suhagraat...

Agle Din Nai Ne Mazak me Chele se puchcha...

Kyun Miya Raat Hume v yaad kiya tha k nahi??

Chela (Sharmate huye) - Kiya tha ustaad.

Nai - Achcha Kaise??

Chela - Maine Kaha, Chal Ustaad, Ghus ja Ander!!

Best Seller Book

Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.

Taliban & Santa

Santa Caught by Taliban.
Talibani (To Santa) - Islam Kabul Karo, Warna Gala Kaat diya jayega.
Santa - Yaar ye v ajeeb dharam hai, Kabul karo to Lulli Kat dete ho, na karo to Gardan!!!

Ran Chod Kar Sandaas

At Heathrow airport, an announcement goes out over the Public Address system:
'Mr.Rand Chod Kar Sandaas ! Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas - please report to the Reception desk'.

Ranchhodbhai Karsandas, who has just arrived from Surat, goes red with anger.
He goes to the reception, and shouts loudly to the English receptionist.

The following conversation must go into the history books of cock-ups:

Ranchhodbhai: 'Madar Chod ! I am Ranchhod.... .....

Receptionist: 'Mr. Madar Chod Rand Chod ? Sir, that is not the name I have here..
I have Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas..... .....

Ranchhodbhai: 'Arrey Bhenchod ! I am NOT Madar chod!!!'

Receptionist: 'So are you Mr. R.A. Ben or Mr. R.A. Chod? Is your surname Ben or Chod ?'

Ranchhodbhai: (now really really pissed off) 'Chootia teri ! I am Ranchhod.... ....'

Receptionist: 'Excellent sir, so who is Chootia Teri then ???'

Whereupon, a Chinese gentleman ambles up to the Reception and asks: 'Were you calling me?'

Receptionist: 'Now, who are you?'

Chinese: 'I am Choo Tia......'

Ranchhodbhai decides to fly back to Surat!!!!

Dirty Joke - VIAGRA

The lady teacher asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for. The first pupil said: 'Tylenol.' 'Very good! And what is it used for?' 'It is used for headache.' The second pupil said: 'Nytol' 'Excellent. And what it is used for?' 'To help you sleep.' Now it is Runa's turn and she said: 'Viagra'. what is it used for?' 'I think it can be used for diarrhea.' 'Who told you this?' 'Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father, 'Take a Viagra, maybe that little shit will get harder.' Runa

Sardarji k Galiyan

A Sardar travelling on an overnight train to Punjab requests the conductor before retiring
"phaji - Ludhiana savere panj vaje aavega - mainu uthe jaroor utha dena interview lai jana hai. Main Kumbkaran de neend sonda hoon, jarurat pade taan jabardasti utar dena" (I have an interview in Ludhaina in the Morning - kick me off the train there if you have to, as I'm a heavy sleeper)

Sardarji wakes up to the sounds of "chai chai" in Amritsar , looks at time - 8.30 AM. He has missed his interview and is very pissed off, finds the conductor and starts swearing at him in the choicest Punjabi galis. This carries on for about 10 minutes. Another passenger says to the Conductor :-

"ye Sardar ji aap ki maa bahen ek kar rahen hain (giving you maa behen ke galiyan) aur aap hain ke sharafat se sune ja rahe hain"

"bhai sahib " responds the conductor "main enke galiyan to sun he nahin raha hoon. Mujhe to un Sardarji ke galiyaan sun rahi hain jinko maine Ludhaine main utaar diya.

coincidence

A chicken farmer went to a local bar.... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne..

The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'

'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me.. I am celebrating'

'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman.

'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?'

'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'

'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'

'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?'

'I used a different cock,' he replied.

The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'

Idli

Kalu makes idlis 4 breakfast
Malkin-How did u manage 2 make such huge idlis?
KALU-Wid the help of this special cloth
Malkin-U idiot.give me my Bra back

Active-Passive

Teachr-active se pasive me badlo"bache jb sunsan jagho pe jate hai to hadso ko janm dete hai"
studt-sunsan jagho pe hue hadse hi bacho ko janm dete hai

Son : 5 Rs.do
Dad : Right jeb se le le (Jeb fati thi lun son k hath me aa gya)
SON : Nai hai
DAD : Left jeb dekh (wo jeb v fati thi, phir lun son k hath main aa gaya)
SON : Budhe k pass Paisa 1 v nahi. Lun 2-2 rakhe huye Hain.

adult dirty jokes, adult funny jokes, adult humour, adult joke, adult jokes, adult sms, desi jokes, dirty jokes, hilarious jokes,hindi jokes, sardar adult jokes, short adult jokes, sms adult jokes, Santa-Banta adult jokes. Dirty Hindi Jokes.

New Dirty Joke

Q.: Ladki aur Car Main Kya Difference hai ?
A.: Car Kharab ho jaye to ruk jati hai
Agar Ladki Kharab ho jaye to Chalu ho jati hai...

Brand New Shiney Jokes

What is shiney's favourite movie?
Luck `Bai' Chance.

What does Shiney like to ride the most?
Bai-cycle

Which song did Shiney sing with N'Sync
Bai Bai Bai

What is Shiney's fav bedroom line?
Am a Good Boy. You be a GOOD BAI!

What is Shiney's sexual orientation?
He is Bai-Sexual

Who is Shiney's fav football player
'Bai'chung Bhutia

What's Shiney Ahuja's favorite song?
Maid in India

What kind of food does Shiney like
Home Maid

Shiney's maid refused to clean the utensils spotlessly because she is scared of everything shiney.

Dr. SHWETA BANG

HOLLA

Teach to New Student - Whts ur Name ?
Studen - Sir My Name is HOLLA!
Teacher - Whts type of this ?
Student - Sir i was born on Holli so my parents take my Name "HOLLA".
Teacher - Shukar hai tu "Lohdi" k din Paida Nahi hua tha!!!

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Sum Jokes

Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted.. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?
Lady: Doctor, I thought you had said 3 males a day.
............ ......
* Girl friend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito enters the girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?
The boy's hand......
............ ......... ..
* Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath.
Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed.
Tarzan asked "Why"?
The animals told him......... .."Your tail is in the front"

Santre (Oranges)

Man to a Lady, " apne santray sambhaliyeji they disturb me."
Angrily she replies," Tumko kya, santray mere hain. "
Man :" haan! par juice to mera nikal raha hai naa! "

5 Rooms

A Chinese doctor says a woman has 5 rooms :-
Face is Showroom
Breast is Playroom
Stomach is Store room
Vagina is a Guest room
Ass is a Emergency room.

Gashtiyan Da Adda

Banta : Santa kal main teri biwi nu Gashtiyan (Call Girls) de Adde te dekhiya c. Jara Dhayan Rakhya kar.
Santa : Haye Mere Rabba, Meri Gharwali nu Fuddi l di Aadat kado to pai gayi??

Bil Clinton in Hell

क्लिंटन की मृत्यु हो जाती है और वह नरक की ओर जा रहे हैं। दरवाज़े पर उसे नरक-दैत्य मिलते हैं, वह उसे बताते हैं कि चूँकि नरक में जगह नहीं बची है तो उनके लिए कुछ अलग विकल्प हैं। फिर वह क्लिंटन को नीचे एक बड़े हॉल में ले जाते हैं, जिनमें तीन दरवाज़े हैं। क्लिंटन को यह छूट दी जाती है कि तीनों में से कोई भी विकल्प वह अपनी इच्छानुसार चुन सकते हैं।

पहला दरवाज़ा खुलता है। उसमें न्यूट जिनरिच हैं जिसकी गाँड़ में ब्लोटॉर्च घुसेड़ा जा रहा है। क्लिंटन गिड़गिड़ाते हैं, “यह काफी दर्द भरा लगता है। मुझे नहीं लगता कि यह मेरे लिए ठीक रहेगा!”

दूसरा दरवाज़ा खुलता है। उसमें रश लिम्बा है, और उसकी चमड़ी उधेड़ी जा रही है। “नहीं…” क्लिंटन विनती करते हैं।

तीसरे दरवाज़े के खुलने पर दिखता है कि इसमें केन स्टार है, उसके हाथ-पाँव कुर्सी से बँधे हैं, सामने मोनिका लिवेन्सकी झुककर उसका लण्ड चूस रही है। “हाँ, यह मैं कर सकता हूँ!” क्लिंटन उतावला होकर कहते हैं।

“बहुत अच्छे” शैतान कहता है, “मोनिका, तुम जा सकती हो।

Kaam K Aadmi

Ek Pagal Nanga Bazar Mein Ghoom Raha Tha
Uska WO Bahot Bada Tha,
Ek Aurat Ne Dekha To Boli
Hamara Desh Tarakki Kaise Karega
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Saare Kaam Ke Admi To Pagal Hai

Kalyug

Ek Bachcha Apne Mummy Papa k sath ja raha tha. Road Par do dogs sex kar rahe the. Bachche ne poocha ye kya kar rahe hain??
Papa- Beta Aage wala kuta peeche wale ko sahara de k chal raha hai.
Bachcha - Kitna Ghor Kalyug Aa Gaya, Jise Sahara do Sala wo hi Gaand Maar Jata hai....

Deinations of Kiss

Prof .of Economics

Kiss is that thing for which the demand is aways higher than the supply.


*******

Prof. of Accountancy

Kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.


*******

Prof. of Algebra

Kiss is infinity because two divided by nothing.


*******

Prof. of Geometry

Kiss is the shortest distance between two lips.


*******

Prof. of Physics

Kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.


*******

Prof. of Chemistry

Kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.


*******

Prof. of Zoology

Kiss is the interchange of salivary bacteria.


*******

Prof. of Physiology

Kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularisoris muscles in the state of contraction.


*******

Prof. of Dentistry

Kiss is infectious and antiseptic.


*******

Prof. of Philosophy

Kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.


*******

Prof. of English

Kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction, it is more common than proper, it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.


*******

Prof. of Architecture

Kiss is a process which builds a solid bond between the two dynamic objects


*******

Prof. of Comp.Science

What is a kiss? It seems to be an undefined variable

coincidence

Don't know this is just a sick coincidence but-----

2007 - chimese year of chicken - Bird Flu pandemic devastates parts of asia

2008 - chinese year of the horse - Equine influenza decimates Australian racing

2009 - chinese year of the pig - Swine flu pandemic kills hundreds pf pigs around the globe

has any one noticed this-------

It gets worse------

Next year-------

2010 - chinese year of cock - what could pssibly go wrong ????!!!!!!!!

Sex Affair - 6

The 6th Affair:

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to," his wife replied.

"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister,
your
best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison
work."

Sex Affair - 5

The 5th Affair:

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."

"One Cent?" the man thought.

He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and
a
bottle of wine?"

"A nickel," the barman replied.

"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."

The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied,

"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."

Sex Affair - 4

The 4th Affair:

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening
the
front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked
it so
much I got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with
a
sandwich and a beer.

"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two
days
at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."

Sex Affair - 3

The 3rd Affair:

A mortician was working late one night..

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a
startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever
seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you
to
be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must! be saved
for
posterity."

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

"I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.

"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?!

Sex Affair - 2

The 2nd Affair:

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked
about
having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby.
Look
at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling
around
behind my back?"

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "! Not this time!"

Sex Affairs-1

The 1st Affair:

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted,
they
fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside
and
rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.

"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my
secretary.
We had sex all afternoon."

"You lying bastard!

You've been playing golf!"

Questions & Answers for real fun

Questions & Answers for real fun

Q: What's the difference between cricketers and condoms?
A: Cricketers drop the catches and condoms catches the drops.

Q: What is the difference between riding a bicycle and a woman?
A: Riding a bicycle you fix your ass & move your legs, riding a woman you fix your legs & move your ass.

Q: What three things are common between the sun and woman's underwear?
A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both disappear at night.

Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
A: Because they are tired of using their own.

Q: What's common between men and video?
A: Both go backward... forward... backward... forward... backward.... forward... stop and eject.

Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come means you are in big trouble

Q: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?
A: A teabag.

* 7 qualities to be a perfect wife:
Beautiful,
Responsible
Energetic
Adorable
Sweet
Truthful and
Self-Organized.
In short, she must have good B.R.E.A.S.T. S

Q: Who is a gynecologist?
A: He is the only fool on the earth who looks for problems in a place, where most people find pleasure.

Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?
A: Both keep searching for new HOLES.

Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad, then it is biology. When the baby looks like neighbour, then it is sociology.

Q: What's the height of recycling?
A: Sending a sanitary napkin for dry cleaning.

Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted.. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?
Lady: Doctor, I thought you had said 3 males a day.

* Girl friend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito enters the girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?
The boy's hand......

* Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed.
Tarzan asked "Why"?
The animals told him......... .."Your tail is in the front"

Last but not least
Secret of long life...
Morning two eggs, evening two pegs......and night between two legs…

Tomatoes

A woman's garden is growing beautifully but the darn tomatoes won't
ripen. There's a limit to the number of uses for green tomatoes and
she's getting tired of it.

So she goes to her neighbor and says, "Your tomatoes are ripe, mine
are green. What can I do about it?'' Her neighbor replies, "Well, it
may sound absurd but here's what to do. Tonight there's no moon. After
dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatoes
can see in the dark and they'll be embarrassed and blush. In the
morning they'll all be red, you'll see.''

Well, what the heck? She did as they adviced.

The next day her neighbor asks how it worked. "So-so,'' she answers,
"The tomatoes are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches
longer.''

Before and After Marriage Actions

Before and After Marriage Actions

BEFORE MARRIAGE!!!!

DICK : Ah..At last. I can hardly wait!
CLIT : Do you want me to leave?
DICK : No! dont' even think about it
CLIT: Do you love me?
DICK : Of Course! Always did and always will
CLIT : Have you ever cheated on me?
DICK : No!Why are you even asking?
CLIT: Will you kiss me?
DICK : Every chance I get!
CLIT: Will you hit me?
DICK : Hell no! Are you crazy?
CLIT: Can I trust you?
DICK : Yes
CLIT: Darling

AFTER MARRIAGE!!!

Read from the Bottom back to Top

Place of SUSU

Place of SUSU ------------ ------- In a party a lady wanted to go to the toilet badly. So she approached the host Santa and asked, "Where is your SUSU place, Please show me." Santa winked at the lady and said. "Yea, naughty girl, First you show me your SUSU place and then I will show you mine." ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... . SANTA-yaar tumne apni biwi ko talak kyu diya? BANTA-yaar wo badi characterless thi, Shadi mujse ki aur bacha bhagwan se mangti thi. ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... . Santa talking on phone. Banta: Kis se baat kar rahe ho? Santa: Biwi se. Banta: Itne pyar se...? Santa: Tumhari hai. ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... . Banta joins army, given AK 47. He's puzzled & asks Major: Sir, yeh bandook ki nali samne rakhun ya ulta? Major: Kisi bhi taraf rakho, faida desh ka hi hoga. ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... . With Love Rohit Singh

Doctor! Doctor!!

Doctor, the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore.

"Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."

The next day the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Ok, you may put your clothes back on."

The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection, either."

SEX????

An Arab was interviewed at the US Embassy for a U.S.A.Visa
Consul : What is your name?
Arab : Abdul Aziz
Consul : Sex?
Arab : Six to ten times a week
Consul : I mean, male or female?
Arab : both male and female and sometimes even camels
Consul : Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!
Consul : Man,........ isn't it hostile?
Arab :Horse style, dog style, any style
Consul : Oh.......... dear!
Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast!

Petrol

Parents having sex son says Dad whats up?
DAD: teri maa mein PETROL bhar raha hoon.
Son reply Dad maa ka Average check karo
abhi chacha bhi tank full kargae hai.

Who is a GYNACOLOGIST ?

Q : Who is a GYNACOLOGIST ?

Ans : The only FOOL in the

who finds PROBLEM in

Place where Others find PLEASURE.

Husband

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. You will get your chance in court, said the Police officer. No, no no! said the man. I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying for years.

Some Jokes

Chuha Billi se darta hai,

Billi Kutte se darti hai,

Kutta Aadmi se darta hai,

Aadmi Biwi se darta hai,

Bwi Chuhhe se darti hai.!

Duniya Gol Hai..

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A small girl was approached by a stranger on the streets. The stranger asked her, "Could you please tell me where the post office is? Of course replied girl, just wal down this street and take the first left turn.

Thank you said the man. By the way, I am the new pastor of your town. Will you come to church every sunday? I can tell you how to go to heaven.

Oh come on! said the girl. "You don't even know how to go to the post office!"

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Teacher class mein monkey ke bare mein bata raha tha.



Santa was looking outside the class.



Teacher - Santa, look at me otherwise u will never understand how a monkey looks like

Some Sex Jokes

ट्रेन में पत्नी पती से बोली - आज हमारी शादी की सालगिरह है कुछ करो ना पती - तुमने देखा नही सामने क्या लिखा है?पत्नी - नही क्या?पती- लिखा है चलती ट्रेन में चढना मना है

एक बार एक छोटा बच्चा मस्ती करते करते अपने पैरेंट्स के कमरे में चला गया वहाँ पर उसने जो देखा वो देख के बच्चा चमक गया और जोर से चिल्लाया...मम्मी खुद को देखो और मुझे सिर्फ आंगूठा चूसने पे मारती हों

मल्लिका शेरावत ने केमिस्ट से पूछा - 15 इंच का कॉंडम है ?केमिस्ट - हाँ है ना कितने दू ?मल्लिका शेरावत - अभी नही , कोई उसे लेने आए तो मुझे कॉल करना

सरदार - ये रोज रोज कॉंडम लगाने का क्या चक्कर है, मै तो परेशान हों गया हूँ सरदारनी - तुम लेमिनेशन क्यू नही करवा लेते???


एक आदमी ने बडे ही मूड में वेटर से कहा यार वेटर एक सेक्सी चाय पिला दे ....वेटर - सॉरी सर लेकिन हमारे यहाँ चाय गाय के दूध की बनती है बिपाशा के नही

first Class in BED

A newly married girl got first class in her B.Ed exams. Her husband sent telegram to her parents - Meena First Class in Bed!

Light or Mombati

Ladies hostel warden calls electricity office & complains: Aaj to aadmi bhej do, ladkiyan 3 din se mombatti se kaam chala rahi hain

Ek Sawal

Ek sawaal: Duniya ka sabse mushkil kaam kya hai?
Jawaab: Soye huye pappu par condom chadhaana

Nevr Marry with Lady Traffic Police Officer

A man married a Lady Traffic police Inspector
Friend: How was ur first night?
Man: She charged Rs 100 from me for Overspeed,
200 for wrongside entry and Rs 500 for no helmet

Name in English

man goes for a job interview.

Interviewer : "Can you please write your name for me in English,

here on this paper"

The man writes his name and passes the piece of paper back to the

interviewer.

Interviewer : "Are you sure this is your name?"


Man : "Of course I am sure that this is my name"

Interviewer " So your name is....PRETTY RED KNICKERS?"

Man : "Well sir, you told me to write my name in English, but in

Punjabi my name is SUNDAR LAL CHADHA."

PRESS

WHY was a SARDARJI ARRESTED IN A POLITICAL RALLY.........? ?

B'COZ HE SAW A LADY JOURNALIST 

WITH A BATCH ON HER CHEST

written " PRESS ",

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so HE DID THAT.

Ek bar Sapne main kisi nai Mungeri Lal ki gand maar li.

Agle din Mungeri Lal ne apna bank account band karwa diya.

Kyon???

Kyonki us ke bank ke bahar likha tha "Hum Aapke Sapno Ko Hakikat Main Badal Denge"

Lala K Maze

1 din lallo ram bazar say guzar raha tha, us nay dekha k Lala g baray naha dho k, bal sanwary huay, baithay hain.

 

Lallo: Maharaj aaj to baray chamak rahay hain, kya khas bat hay?

Maharaj: bas kya bataon, Kal bapu nay baray baya ki shadi kar di. Pehlay baray nay       mazay liye, phir main nay mazay liye, or Choota to abi tak mazay lay raha hay.

Lallo nay socha wah in k khoob mazay hain.

 

Kuch din bad phir wohi scene tha.

 

Lallo: Maharaj aaj phir ban than k baithay ho, kya koi khas bat hay.

Maharaj: bas kya bataoon, Kal bapu nay meri shadi kar di. Pehlay baray nay mazay liye, phir main nay or Choota to abi tak mazay lay raha hay.

 

Lallo nay socha wah in k khoob mazay hain. Shadi 1 ki mazay teenoon kay.

 

Kuch din phir wohi scene tha or is bar chotay ki shadi hoi thi.

 

3 - 4 din baad phatay hoay kapron main, baal bikhray hoay or bura haal tha.

 

Lallo: Mahraj aaj kya ho gaya, or aap ka yeh haal kaisay hoa.

 

Maharaj: Kya Bataoon , Baapu ki mat mari gaye thi. Us nay behan ki shadi 1 Pathan say kar di,

 

Khan Sab ne pehlay baray ki Gaand Mari , phir meri or chotay ki ab tak maar raha hai

Sexologist

A man boards a Jet Airways airplane Delhi to Mumbai and takes his seat.

As he settles in, he glances up and sees a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.

He soon realizes she's heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold,she takes the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he asks "Business trip or vacation?"

She turns, smiles, and says, "Business. I'm going to the annual Sexologists Convention."

He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting next to him, and she's a sexologist!

Struggling to contain his excitement and maintain his composure, he calmly asks, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she says, "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he says, swallowing hard. "What m-m-m-myths are those?"

Well," she explains, "one popular myth is that Negro men are the best endowed when, in fact, it's the Tamilian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the Bengali.

However, we have found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Sardarji."

Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I shouldn't be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name!"

"Venkatraman!" the man blurts. "Venkatraman Mukherjee ! ..

But my friends call me Santa Singh !"

Wife's Bra

customer : my wife needs a bra but , i dnt know the size.

sales girl : touch my breast and try to calculate.

customer : oh ! i forgot she needs panties too....

Aadab Arz Hai...

Agar Aasmaan Tak Mere Haath Jate........ ......... ......
Agar Aasmaan Tak Mere Haath Jate........ ......... ......
Tu Chaand Tarey Todna to Chhoti Baat Hai.........

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.Hum to Pariyon Ki Gaand Mein Bhi Ungli Kar Aatey....!!! !