A New One Joke

Give Me a Kiss!!!!!

One night a guy took his girlfriend home. As they were about to wish
each other goodnight at the front door, the guy started feeling a
little in the mood.

With an air of confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall
and smiling, he said to her "Honey, would you give me a kiss?"

Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asked grinning at
her.

"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"

"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!".

"No way. It's just too risky!"

"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"

"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!".

"Oh yes you can. Please?".... ......... .......

"No, no. I just can't"

"I'm begging you .. "

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on, and the girl's
older sister showed up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a
sleepy voice she said,

"Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss, or I can do it. Or if
need be, mom says she can come down herself and do it, but for God's
sake and all of ours....

"TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HAND OFF THE DOOR BELL!!"

Aadab Arz Hai...

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Agar Aasmaan Tak Mere Haath Jate........ ......... ......

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Agar Aasmaan Tak Mere Haath Jate........ ......... ......
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To Chaand Tarey Todna to Chhoti Baat Hai.........

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.Hum to Pariyon Ki Gaand Mein Bhi Ungli Kar Aatey....!!!!

Taliban & Santa

Santa Caught by Taliban.
Talibani (To Santa) - Islam Kabul Karo, Warna Gala Kaat diya jayega.
Santa - Yaar ye v ajeeb dharam hai, Kabul karo to Lulli Kat dete ho, na karo to Gardan!!!

Ran Chod Kar Sandaas

At Heathrow airport, an announcement goes out over the Public Address system:
'Mr.Rand Chod Kar Sandaas ! Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas - please report to the Reception desk'.

Ranchhodbhai Karsandas, who has just arrived from Surat, goes red with anger.
He goes to the reception, and shouts loudly to the English receptionist.

The following conversation must go into the history books of cock-ups:

Ranchhodbhai: 'Madar Chod ! I am Ranchhod.... .....

Receptionist: 'Mr. Madar Chod Rand Chod ? Sir, that is not the name I have here..
I have Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas..... .....

Ranchhodbhai: 'Arrey Bhenchod ! I am NOT Madar chod!!!'

Receptionist: 'So are you Mr. R.A. Ben or Mr. R.A. Chod? Is your surname Ben or Chod ?'

Ranchhodbhai: (now really really pissed off) 'Chootia teri ! I am Ranchhod.... ....'

Receptionist: 'Excellent sir, so who is Chootia Teri then ???'

Whereupon, a Chinese gentleman ambles up to the Reception and asks: 'Were you calling me?'

Receptionist: 'Now, who are you?'

Chinese: 'I am Choo Tia......'

Ranchhodbhai decides to fly back to Surat!!!!

Son : 5 Rs.do
Dad : Right jeb se le le (Jeb fati thi lun son k hath me aa gya)
SON : Nai hai
DAD : Left jeb dekh (wo jeb v fati thi, phir lun son k hath main aa gaya)
SON : Budhe k pass Paisa 1 v nahi. Lun 2-2 rakhe huye Hain.

adult dirty jokes, adult funny jokes, adult humour, adult joke, adult jokes, adult sms, desi jokes, dirty jokes, hilarious jokes,hindi jokes, sardar adult jokes, short adult jokes, sms adult jokes, Santa-Banta adult jokes. Dirty Hindi Jokes.

New Dirty Joke

Q.: Ladki aur Car Main Kya Difference hai ?
A.: Car Kharab ho jaye to ruk jati hai
Agar Ladki Kharab ho jaye to Chalu ho jati hai...

HOLLA

Teach to New Student - Whts ur Name ?
Studen - Sir My Name is HOLLA!
Teacher - Whts type of this ?
Student - Sir i was born on Holli so my parents take my Name "HOLLA".
Teacher - Shukar hai tu "Lohdi" k din Paida Nahi hua tha!!!

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Santre (Oranges)

Man to a Lady, " apne santray sambhaliyeji they disturb me."
Angrily she replies," Tumko kya, santray mere hain. "
Man :" haan! par juice to mera nikal raha hai naa! "

5 Rooms

A Chinese doctor says a woman has 5 rooms :-
Face is Showroom
Breast is Playroom
Stomach is Store room
Vagina is a Guest room
Ass is a Emergency room.

Bil Clinton in Hell

क्लिंटन की मृत्यु हो जाती है और वह नरक की ओर जा रहे हैं। दरवाज़े पर उसे नरक-दैत्य मिलते हैं, वह उसे बताते हैं कि चूँकि नरक में जगह नहीं बची है तो उनके लिए कुछ अलग विकल्प हैं। फिर वह क्लिंटन को नीचे एक बड़े हॉल में ले जाते हैं, जिनमें तीन दरवाज़े हैं। क्लिंटन को यह छूट दी जाती है कि तीनों में से कोई भी विकल्प वह अपनी इच्छानुसार चुन सकते हैं।

पहला दरवाज़ा खुलता है। उसमें न्यूट जिनरिच हैं जिसकी गाँड़ में ब्लोटॉर्च घुसेड़ा जा रहा है। क्लिंटन गिड़गिड़ाते हैं, “यह काफी दर्द भरा लगता है। मुझे नहीं लगता कि यह मेरे लिए ठीक रहेगा!”

दूसरा दरवाज़ा खुलता है। उसमें रश लिम्बा है, और उसकी चमड़ी उधेड़ी जा रही है। “नहीं…” क्लिंटन विनती करते हैं।

तीसरे दरवाज़े के खुलने पर दिखता है कि इसमें केन स्टार है, उसके हाथ-पाँव कुर्सी से बँधे हैं, सामने मोनिका लिवेन्सकी झुककर उसका लण्ड चूस रही है। “हाँ, यह मैं कर सकता हूँ!” क्लिंटन उतावला होकर कहते हैं।

“बहुत अच्छे” शैतान कहता है, “मोनिका, तुम जा सकती हो।

Kaam K Aadmi

Ek Pagal Nanga Bazar Mein Ghoom Raha Tha
Uska WO Bahot Bada Tha,
Ek Aurat Ne Dekha To Boli
Hamara Desh Tarakki Kaise Karega
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Saare Kaam Ke Admi To Pagal Hai

Kalyug

Ek Bachcha Apne Mummy Papa k sath ja raha tha. Road Par do dogs sex kar rahe the. Bachche ne poocha ye kya kar rahe hain??
Papa- Beta Aage wala kuta peeche wale ko sahara de k chal raha hai.
Bachcha - Kitna Ghor Kalyug Aa Gaya, Jise Sahara do Sala wo hi Gaand Maar Jata hai....

Deinations of Kiss

Prof .of Economics

Kiss is that thing for which the demand is aways higher than the supply.


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Prof. of Accountancy

Kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.


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Prof. of Algebra

Kiss is infinity because two divided by nothing.


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Prof. of Geometry

Kiss is the shortest distance between two lips.


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Prof. of Physics

Kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.


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Prof. of Chemistry

Kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.


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Prof. of Zoology

Kiss is the interchange of salivary bacteria.


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Prof. of Physiology

Kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularisoris muscles in the state of contraction.


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Prof. of Dentistry

Kiss is infectious and antiseptic.


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Prof. of Philosophy

Kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.


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Prof. of English

Kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction, it is more common than proper, it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.


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Prof. of Architecture

Kiss is a process which builds a solid bond between the two dynamic objects


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Prof. of Comp.Science

What is a kiss? It seems to be an undefined variable

coincidence

Don't know this is just a sick coincidence but-----

2007 - chimese year of chicken - Bird Flu pandemic devastates parts of asia

2008 - chinese year of the horse - Equine influenza decimates Australian racing

2009 - chinese year of the pig - Swine flu pandemic kills hundreds pf pigs around the globe

has any one noticed this-------

It gets worse------

Next year-------

2010 - chinese year of cock - what could pssibly go wrong ????!!!!!!!!

Sex Affair - 6

The 6th Affair:

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to," his wife replied.

"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister,
your
best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison
work."

Sex Affair - 5

The 5th Affair:

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."

"One Cent?" the man thought.

He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and
a
bottle of wine?"

"A nickel," the barman replied.

"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."

The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied,

"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."

Sex Affair - 4

The 4th Affair:

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening
the
front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked
it so
much I got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with
a
sandwich and a beer.

"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two
days
at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."

Sex Affair - 3

The 3rd Affair:

A mortician was working late one night..

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a
startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever
seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you
to
be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must! be saved
for
posterity."

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

"I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.

"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?!

Sex Affair - 2

The 2nd Affair:

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked
about
having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby.
Look
at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling
around
behind my back?"

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "! Not this time!"