SMS of the Day

BHARTIYA BIWIAN apne PATI ko

" A.G." kahkar kyun bulaati hain ??

Kyunki Hamaari BIWIAN

SANSKAARI hoti hain

Bharey Bazaar me

" ABEY GADHEY "

BOLKAR

Sabke Saamne PATI ka "ASLI NAAM "

lekar nahi bulaati hain.

Vishesh Suchna

EK VISESH SUCHNA :SEX karte samay

agar CONDOM na miley toh " M-SEAL "

ka istemaal kijiye kyunki :- " EK BOOND

AAPKI ZINDAGI BADAL SAKTA HAI ".

English Girl

Banta's wife, Preeto, goes to England to attend a two-week, company training session. Banta drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

Preeto answers, 'Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?'

Banta laughs and says, 'An English girl !!!

Preeto kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later Banta picks her up in the airport and asks, 'So, honey, how was the trip?'

'Very good, thank you.'

'And, what happened to my present?'

'Which present?'

'What I asked for, the English girl?!'

Oh, that! Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if its a girl !!!

Aunty Ka Dildo

k aunty holland say INDIA utarti hain...custom wala(ek buzurg)usay suitcase kholnay ko boltaa hai...suitcase kholtay hee usmay say rubber ka l**d(dildo) nikal aata hai...
custom officer : "aapki shaadi ho gai?"
aunty : "10 saal ho gaye"
custom officer : "aapkay pati kahaan hain?"
aunty : "holland may"
custom officer(dildo haath may lekar) : "pati hai toh fir ye kya hai?"

aunty(aankh maartay hue) : "aray sir vo FIXED LANDLINE hai aur ye MOBILE"

Today's Joke: Sarva Guna Sampanna Kanya

The Young Brahmin asked, "Is it true, that your daughter has all the good qualities and pleasing looks ?"

The old brahmin answered, "Haan! More that that, she is Sundara Vati and Padma Vati !"

"But, can she cook and keep house ?" Asked the young man.
"Oh yes, she is Dharma Vati!" answered the old man.

"Now, can she sew? asked the young man.
"Oh yes . . . . yes, she can not only sew, but she is Kala Vati ! "answered the old man.

"What about her education?" asked the young man.
"She is Vidya Vati !" answered the old man.

And the Vedas ? " asked the young man.
"Oh yes . . . . yes, she is Veda Vati !" answered the old man.

The young man is very happy to find the perfect bride and gets married to her.

Two days later, he comes back with his newly married bride in town. The old Brahmin is surprised. He asks, " What happened, my son?" Why do you look so upset ?

The young man says, " Well sir, you told me that your daughter is already a Sundara Vati, Padma Vati, Dharma Vati, Kala Vati, Vidya Vati and a Veda Vati ? "

"Yes, my son - I certainly did " replies the old man.

But Sir - you forgot to tell me that, she is also already a 'Garbha Vati'

Makhan Baba

Ek aurat ka pati marr gaya, pati ko mare hue 2 saal ho gaye the, bechari ki Chooth mein aag lagi rehti thi. kabhi ungli ghusaati toh kabhi mooli , par Chooth ki aag nahin bhujh paati thi.

ek saheli ko apna dard bataya toh saheli use Makhan Baba ke paas le gayi.

baba ne ek lund prakat kiya aur ush aurat ko de diya. aur kaha jab bhi mann kare l und ko haath mein leke bolna " yeh kya hai ? " bas lund activate ho jaayega aur teri c hoot ki aag bhujha diya karega.

bas phir kya tha , aurat daudi daudi ghar gayi. darwaja band kiya aur lund haath mein leke boli " yeh kya hai? " .

lund activate hua aur 2 feet lumba tann gaya.

uski Chooth ka chittorgarh bana diya.

aurat toh maare khusi ke naachne lagi.

roz subah-shaam darwaja band karti aur lund haath mein leke bolti "yeh kya hai " aur lund use poore maze deta.

uski ek beti thi, use shak hua ki maa roz darwaja band karke kya karti hai, keyhole se jhaanka toh dekha maa almari mein kuchh rakh rahi thi.

maa ke jaate hi beti ne almari kholi aur lundd haath mein leke boli " yeh kya hai ? "


lund ne jaisi hi suna beti ki Chooth mein ghush gaya, beti bhi roz maze lene legi .

maa ko shak hua ki beti kya karti hai darwaja band karke, keyhole se jhaanka toh dekha beti ne makhan baba wala lundd apni choot mein ghusa rakha tha.

maa rone lagi, sochne lagi ki yeh maine kya kar diya.

agle hi din makhan baba ke paas gayi aur boli, baba ise password protected bana do.

makhan baba dhyan mein magan the, aankhein band thi.

bole kya protected karna hai, maa boli "yeh jo aapne diya tha baba "

baaba ne kaha mere haath par rakh do , maa ne lund makhan baba ke haath par rakh diya.

makhan baba dhyan mein magan the, aankhein band thi. makhan baba bole " yeh kya hai ? "

Bablu and Pappu

There is a classroom of some small children (5-7yrs),
with a genius boy (Bablu)
and a smart one (Pappu).

The dialogue between the two and the teacher goes something like this:
Bablu: "Teacher, teacher! Is Bus male or female?

Teacher: Thinking.... ...
Pappu: "Teacher, teacher! It is female"

Bablu: "Kyon?"

Pappu: "Kyon ki sab log uspe chadte hain."

Teacher is pareshan. While Bablu gets in doubt.

Bablu: "Agar bus female hai aur sab uspe chadte hain to uske bacche kyon

nahin hote?"

Teacher is more pareshan.

Pappu: "Kyon ki sab us par peeche se chadte hain."

Teacher is now hiding her face. Bablu gets into another doubt.
Bablu: "Maana sabhi peeche se chadte hain, but driver aur conductor to

aagay se chadte hain. Phir bachche kyon nahin hote?" Teacher is

sweating as it is getting too much to handle.
Pappu replies: "Kyon ki woh dono topi pehanke chadte hain."

Teacher faints !!!!!!!

Guddu Vs Fuddu

A boy went to leave an unknown aunty to her home,

Aunty: Beta raat bahot ho gayi hai yehin so jao G ke room mein
Boy: Nahi aunty main guest room mein so jaunga.

Next morning a very sexy girl brings bed tea for the boy.

Boy: Who r u ?
Girl: Main Guddu, aur aap?
Boy: Main Fuddu!!!

Preeto Ka Office

Santa apni biwi k offic gaya to dekha Boss k godi me baithi dictation le rahi thi.
Santa - Chal Preeto, aisi jagah kam nahi karna jahan staff k liye kursi b na ho!.

New One - LITTLE JOHNY

The teacher asks the first grade students what kind of medicines they know
and what they are used for. The first pupil: "Tylenol?"
Teacher: " Very good! And what is it used for?"
Pupil: "It is used for headaches."
Second pupil: "Nytol, Teacher."
Teacher: " Excellent. And what it is used for?"
Pupil: " To help you sleep."
Now it is Johnny's turn and he says: "Viagra."
Teacher: " Johnny, what do you think is it used for?"
Johnny: "It can be used for diarrhea."
Teacher: "Who told you this?"
Johnny: "Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father ...
'Take a Viagra, maybe that little shit will get harder

Difference

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN WAY OF THINKING...! !!!

At the college, male & female students were told to individually write a
sentence using the words 'sex' and 'love.'

Females wrote : When two mature people are passionately and deeply in
love with one another to a high degree and that they respect each other
very much, then, it is spiritually and morally acceptable to the society
that they both engage themselves in the act of physical sex with one
another.

Men wrote : 'I love sex.'

(AFTER READING THIS DO U THINK THAT WOMEN ARE SO COMPLICATED. .)

Young Man and Family

A young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, 'Hello, could   you give me condom. I'm going to my girlfriends for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance!'
The pharmacist gives him the condom and as the young man is going out; he returns and says, 'Give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think I might strike it lucky there too..'
The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says, 'Go on, give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mum is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes eyes, and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting me to make a move!

During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mum facing him. When the dad gets there,  the boy lowers his head and starts praying,  'Dear Lord, bless this dinner and thank you for all you give us'. A minute later the boy is still praying;
'Thank you Lord for your kindness.'  
Ten minutes go by and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down. The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend is even more surprised than the others.
She gets close to the boy and says in his ear, 'I didn't know you were so religious.' The boy replies, 'I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist!'

Three Friends

There were three fast friends...a Pandit, a Baniya and a Jaat. Teenon
ke sab kuchh saath saath hi hua -- schooling, college, yahan tak ki
shaadi bhi -- halanki hui alag alag ladkiyon se. Teenon honeymoon bhi
saath saath hi gaye...aur ek hi hotel main stay karenge. So, hotel
main pahunchane ke baad, teenon apne rooms main jaane se pahle mile
aur decide kiya ki subah ko breakfast table par ek doosre ko batayenge
ki kisne kitni baar kiya. Par samasya thi ki apni patniyon ke saamne
kaise is bare main baat karenge. Par teenon bahut smart the, jaldi hi
solution bhi dhoondh liya, ki jo jitne baar bread par butter lagayega
to uska matlab hoga ki usne utni baar sex kiya. Aur teenon apne apne
room main chale gaye.
Subah teenon mile...breakfast table par...teenon ki wives bhi thi. To
pahle Pandit ne apni bread uthai, aur butter lagaya...ek baar...do
baar... aur wapas plate main rakh di. Phir Baniye ne apni bread
uthai... butter lagaya... ek baar... do baar... phir bread ko palta...
phir butter lagaya... ek ... do. Matlab, do baar donon taraf se
thoka... Ab baari thi Jaat ki. Usne apni bread uthai...butter
lagaya... ek ... do baar ... use palta ... ek baar butter lagaya ...
do baar ... Phir Pandit ki bread uthai... donon taraf butter lagaya
aur rakh di ... phir baniye ki bread uthai ... aur use bhi donon taraf
butter laga diya ...
Aur dosti khatam...

Divorce???

A Newly Married Couple Seeking Divorce...
Judge asks Lady "Why do you want divorce?"
Lady: Despite Knowin That I'm Vegetarian, He Forces Ne To Put Meat In My Mouth!!"

Pandit Pita-Puttar

EK BAAR EK PANDIT JI KE LADKE KI SHAADI HUI.
SUHAGRAAT KO WO BECHARA THODA CONFUSE HO GAYA.
USNE APNE PITA JI KO AWAAJ LAGAYI AUR PUCHA
BETA- PITASHRI,

TRI CHIDRAM MUM PASHYAMI, KIM CHIDRAM FUCKUM FUCKAMI

PITA-  PUTRA,

GOL KUNDUM MAHA PAAPAM,TRIBHUJAKARU M FUKUM FUKAMI

Munna-Munni Duet

Munni woh din yaad karo
jab hum tum sath nahate the,
tum chut pe sabun malti thi ,
hum land pe jhag udate the.

Munna woh din beet gaye ,
jab hum tum sath nahate the,
ab chut chupane ki bari hai,
munni bharat ki nari hai.

Munni woh din yaad karo
jab hum tum sath sote the,
tum chut mein kheti karti thi ,
hum land pe ganne bote the.

Munna woh din beet gaye ,
jab chut mein kheti hoti thi,
ab land ki fusslo ki khatir,
humne ise banjar bana diya.

Munni woh din yaad karo
jab luka chipi khelte the,
tum lahanga pahan kar aati thi,
aur hum usme chup jate the.
Munna woh din beet gaye,
jab hamne tumhe chupaya tha,
ab tum to jaat ke bhalu ho,
lahange me shahad ka chhatta hai.

Munni woh din yaad karo,
jab sath deewali khele the,
tum chut pe tikli rakhti thi ,
hum land se foda karte the.
Munna woh din beet gaye,
jab chut pe tikli fodi thi.
ab chut hamari pyari hai,
aur loda tera bhikhari hai.

Munni woh din beet gaye
han munni woh din beet gaye.
ab chut ke darshan ki khatir ,
hum chut chalisa padhte hai,
par chut nahi darshan deti,
hum land se ladte rahte hai.
par waqt hamara aayega.
jab hum bhi tum ko chodenge,
tum land land chillaogi
hum chut me danda pelenge.
munni munne ko kam na samajh
yeh teri phudi chodega..
tu pair pakad kar royegi..
teri chut me keeel(nails) thokega

Teen Dost

There were three fast friends...a Pandit, a Baniya and a Jaat. Teenon
ke sab kuchh saath saath hi hua -- schooling, college, yahan tak ki
shaadi bhi -- halanki hui alag alag ladkiyon se. Teenon honeymoon bhi
saath saath hi gaye...aur ek hi hotel main stay karenge. So, hotel
main pahunchane ke baad, teenon apne rooms main jaane se pahle mile
aur decide kiya ki subah ko breakfast table par ek doosre ko batayenge
ki kisne kitni baar kiya. Par samasya thi ki apni patniyon ke saamne
kaise is bare main baat karenge. Par teenon bahut smart the, jaldi hi
solution bhi dhoondh liya, ki jo jitne baar bread par butter lagayega
to uska matlab hoga ki usne utni baar sex kiya. Aur teenon apne apne
room main chale gaye.
Subah teenon mile...breakfast table par...teenon ki wives bhi thi. To
pahle Pandit ne apni bread uthai, aur butter lagaya...ek baar...do
baar... aur wapas plate main rakh di. Phir Baniye ne apni bread
uthai... butter lagaya... ek baar... do baar... phir bread ko palta...
phir butter lagaya... ek ... do. Matlab, do baar donon taraf se
thoka... Ab baari thi Jaat ki. Usne apni bread uthai...butter
lagaya... ek ... do baar ... use palta ... ek baar butter lagaya ...
do baar ... Phir Pandit ki bread uthai... donon taraf butter lagaya
aur rakh di ... phir baniye ki bread uthai ... aur use bhi donon taraf
butter laga diya ...
Aur dosti khatam...

Young Man and Pharmasist

A young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, 'Hello, could you give me condom. I'm going to my girlfriends for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance!'

The pharmacist gives him the condom and as the young man is going out; he returns and says, 'Give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think I might strike it lucky there too..'

The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says, 'Go on, give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mum is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes eyes, and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting me to make a move!

During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mum facing him. When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying, 'Dear Lord, bless this dinner and thank you for all you give us'. A minute later the boy is still praying;

'Thank you Lord for your kindness.'

Ten minutes go by and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down. The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend is even more surprised than the others.

She gets close to the boy and says in his ear, 'I didn't know you were so religious.' The boy replies, 'I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist!'

Why Condoms r Transparent ???

Medically Speaking Why are condoms transparent ?

.

.

.

.

.

So that sperms can atleast enjoy the scene, even if their entry is restricted.

Hurry!!! Get Dirty jokes on your Mobile Daily. FREE for 15 Days. SMS me now - 09316070518 (Be Quick)

- Ali

Preeto Bra!!!

A Punjabi Bra Add:

Har Kudi di Pehli Pasand, “PREETO BRA”

Hun 6 Sizan vich uplabdh -

1. Small

2. Medium

3. Vadde

4.Hai Oye!

5.Hai O Rabba!

6.Oh teri Behn di!!!

i com back

Usne utari saree
fir aayi peticoat ki bari
blouse to pahle hi diya tha utar
ziyadah excited mat ho yaar
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-

yeh tha kapray sukhane ka taar ….!

Aadab Arz Hai.... (raksha Bandhan Spl.)

Khuda Kare Tujhe Khushian Hazaar Milen,
Mujhe Bhi Achche Yaar Milen,
Meri GirlFriend Tujhe Raakhi Bandhe
Aur Tujhe ek aur Behn ka Pyar Mile
:))

Please Note :
After Today im unable to post Dirty Jokes here. if u r interest in getting Dirty Jokes, then u can get it on urs Mobile. Send Me rs. 500/- for 2 Months & Get Daily 2-3 Dirty Jokes & Shayri (if u like) on your own mobile. SMS me on 09316070518 or email me - billafor4@gmail.com for payment modes and others enquiries. (please do not call coz im hearing impaired)
-Thanx

Jai Hind

Watan Hamara Misaal Mohabbat ki...
Todta hai deewar Nafrat ki...


Wish you All
HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY

Sons of Pecock???

Three Guys with blue red yellow and green hairs were sitting on a bench.

An old man passed looking on them.

Guys asked "hey Oldie! what u looking? hav'nt did anything "Ulta Pulta""

Old man replied" Yaaaaa Onece i have fucked a pecock, So wondering weather u are my sons.

Get Dirty Jokes Daily on your Mobile , SMS +91 9316070518 (Cost 250/- Per Month)

choot main chuhe???

LMü AÉSqÉÏ lÉå qÉåÌQûMüsÉ xOûÉåU xÉå MÇüQûÉåqÉ MüÉ mÉåMüOû ZÉUÏSÉ, ExÉMåü oÉåOåû lÉå mÉÑNûÉ È mÉÉmÉÉ rÉå YrÉÉ Wæû| uÉÉåWû oÉÉåsÉÉ MÑüNû lÉWûÏÇ oÉåOåû cÉÑWåû qÉÉUlÉå MüÐ SuÉÉD Wæû|

oÉåOû oÉÉåsÉÉ È oÉÉmÉ Uå, cÉÑiÉ qÉåÇ pÉÏ cÉÑWåû....

Molvi Saab aur Gall

Girl: molvi sab i m in love.

Molvi: Nauzubilah, Astagfirula, Laholwala kuwat, Toba, Toba........ .

Girl: No molvi sab......... ..I am in love with u.........

Molvi: MashaAllah, JazakAllah, SubanAllah, Whaa, Whaa........

Get Dirty Jokes Daily on your Mobile , SMS +91 9316070518

Sardar ji aur Kabootar

Ek Kabootar (Pigoen) ne sardar ji par bith (shit) kar di.

Sardar G : Oye tenu teri maan ne kachcha (underwear) pehnna nahi sikhaya.

Kabootar : Salya k tu Tatti (Shit) kachcha pa k hi karda hain???

Get Dirty Jokes Daily on your Mobile , SMS +91 9316070518

Sardar ji aur Helmet

Ek baar ek Sardar ji Bike par ja rahe the aur helmat pehn rakha tha. Raste main bike rok kar helmet k upper se hi apna sir khujane lage...

Ek aadmi ne kaha Sardar ji helmet to utar do.

Sardar G : Saale Behnchod, Jab teri Gaand main khujli hoti hai to kya to pant khol kar khujata hai....

Get Dirty Jokes Daily on your Mobile , SMS +91 9316070518

aye Kya Kholti tu???

Aye Kya Kholti Tu,

Aye Kya Me Kholu

Sun,

Suna,

Kholti Kya Nada?

Kya Karu Kholke Ye Nada,

Nikalunga,Dalunga, Hilaunga, Choosooga, Choduga Pregnant Karunga Or Kya

Dont Marry.....

Dont Marry ...

Dont Marry AIRTEL girl, she will do magic on you.

Dont Marry BSNL girl, she has connections with all indians.

Dont Marry IDEA girl, she touches you tommorrow.

Dont Marry RELAINCE girl, she takes you in her mutthi mein.

Dont Marry BPL girl, she belives in the best and leave you for the rest.

Marry only HUTCH girl, she follows you where ever you go! [;)]

Dont

Pandit Nehru & Victoria

PNehru was fucking Victoria.

On climax, Nehru droped semen on bed.

Victoria: Andar kyu nahi nikala?

Nehru: Gandhiji NE desi maal videsh bhejne ko mana kiya hai.

Who is he ????

He came at night,
explored my body,
got on top of me,
touched me,
he bit,sucked,
swalowd,
when he was satisfyed,
he left,
i was hurt,...



BLOODY… MOSQUITO !!!!

Lun ya Ghotna

Ek bar ek sadhu maharaj Parvachan kar rahe the k Apne se Badi Aurat ko Maa, Chhoti ko Beti aur Barabar wali ko Behn Samjho. Issi beech ek Sardar ji uth kar bole “Maharaj ji to phir ye Lun v aap hi rakho. Jadi Booti Kootne ke Kaam Aayega.

Sexy Poetry

Raat ki tanhai me, mai baithi thi akeli
Itne me padosh ke ek ladke ki awaz aai
Aa jao mere paas ghar me koi nahi
Mai kuch sharmai ghabrai
Aur ithlate hui uske paas gai
Usne dhire se ghod me uthaya
Aur bade pyar se bed par sulaya
Sari ka palla giraya
Blouse kholkar bra sarkaya
Besaram ne jhat se mamme ko
Apne mouth me ghusaya
Jhor se daato se mamme ko dabaya
Aur doodh kisi me nahi
Maine kaha mai chudwane aai hu
Maine kaha mai tere bacche ki ma nahi
Phir usne apni anguli
Meri chud me ghusai
Mai jor se chilla padi
Arre Boka choda yeh meri chud hai
Koi hodh nahi
Uska loda bhi ho gaya
Puri tarah khada
Maine bhi use chum kar
Liya bada maja
Kaha usne ab bekarar na karo
Lund ko chud me jane do
Lekin mai thodi itrai
Itni jaldi kya hai
Bus abhi turant to mai aai
Mai le rahi thi ish nok-jhok ka maja
Itne me sale ne meri
Gaand me ghusa diya lauda
Mai jor se chillai
Phir lagi masti aane
Usne phir pyar se dekhte huye
Kaha mai abhi bhi pyasa hu
Pyas meri bujha de re
Ab jyada der na kar
Lund ko chud se mila de re
Mai bhi thi ab uske lund
Ke liye Bekarar
Maine bhi kaha, Jaan
Ab chud hai tere hawale sanam
Chod le ise mauka nai milega aisa phir
Usne bhi jhat apna lund
Mere chud me gaad diya
Maine bhi iska bahut luft liya
Chud ne ka accha andaz tha
Yeh mere jivan ka pehla ahsas tha
Jo bhi ho
Yeh bada khas tha

Corporate Lesson

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her

Shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over

which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly

wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the

door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 just to drop that

towel that you have on". After thinking for a moment, the woman drops

her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

Bob has a close look at her for a few seconds, hands over $800 and

quietly leaves.

Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up

in the towel and goes upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her

husband asks from the shower "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes

me?"

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Share critical credit information with your stakeholders to prevent

avoidable exposure!

Tit For Tat

A GIRL GOES OUT OF TOWN WITH HER BF FOR DATE.
WELL THEY ENJOYED SEX OUTSIDE THE TOWN.
THE GIRL TELL THE BOY I FORGET TO TELL U
THAT I AM ACTUALLY PROSTITUTE
AND CHARGE RS.200 FOR SINGLE.
THE BOY GAVE HER THE MONEY SHE ASKED FOR.
THE BOY GET SIT IN HIS CAR.
THE GIRL COME ALONG WITH HIM AND SIT IN CAR.
THE BOY ASK YES MADAM.
GIRL SAID.. LET GET BACK TO TOWN NA..
THE BOY SAID OH I FORGET TO TELL U
THAT I AM TAXI DRIVER AND I WILL CHARGE RS.250 FOR TOWN.

How to Fool Barber

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, " How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours." The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half." The guy leaves.

The barber who is intrigued by this time, looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill. Follow that guy and see where he goes."

A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"

Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house."

Chicken Story (mind blowing climax)

A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old cock. As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.

Old cock to Young cock : "Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.

Young cock : What you mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired.

Old cock : Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you with some?

Young cock : No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.

Old cock : In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win you shall allow me to have one hen and if I lose you will have all.

Young cock : O.K. What kind of competition?

Old cock: 50 meter run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.

Young cock : No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.

Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off and when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his might.

Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds.

Suddenly, Bang! ...... before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed, "Hell ! This is the fifth GAY chicken I've bought this week !"

Cool-Cool Sardarji....

Sardar at bar in New York.

Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"

Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"

Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"

--------------------------------------------

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.

Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".

Sardar thinks "how poetic"

Sardar says, "pass the custard you bastard".

--------------------------------------------

Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k

Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but? ?

how much is DRIVING salary...?

--------------------------------------------

2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says YES...NO...YES. ..NO...YES. ..NO...

--------------------------------------------

A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"

Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Punjabi tera baap!!!"

--------------------------------------------

2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.

Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.

Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....

--------------------------------------------

A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.

Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?

Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating

Interviewar: what s ur qualification?

Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.

Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?

Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY.. ..

--------------------------------------------

Amitab : In which state kaveri flows?

Sardar : liquid state.....

Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS..... ..

Sum More SARDARJI....

On honeymoon Night, the groom Santa Singh lights up a match stick near wife's pussy.
Wife: Why did u do this?
Santa: Dosto ne kaha ki pehle achchhi tarah Garam karma

---------------------------------------
Gal to Santa : Kya main Apki Nakal Maar Loon ?
Santa : Maar Le, Maar Le, Phir Main Teri Asal Marooga!!!!
----------------------------------------

Teacher : Bacho batao k billi 1 sath itnay saray bachay kaisay paida karti hay?

Santa : Miss agar aap road pay billi ki tarah ghoomo to aap ko pata chal jayegaâ

-------------------------------
In a crowded bus , Girl : excuse me brother that's my seat.

Santa : Ok, but im not ur brother, my father never fuck ur mother.

Girl : But my father did.

---------------------------------

Teacher explain "Responsibility with example"?
Santa : Madam ur blouse have 4 buttons, out of which 3 r open,
the entire responsibility is to open the 4th button also.
-------------------------------------------------

Some Cool Sardarji Jokes

Where were you born ?
sardar : Punjab.
Boss : which part ?
sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.

------------------------------------

Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi
petrol se start hoti hai.

------------------------------------

Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why
are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler

------------------------------------

Interviewer : When is your birthday.
Sardar : 13th Oct.
Interviewer : which year ?
sardar : Oye Ullu ke patte : Every year.

------------------------------------

2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have a one more.

------------------------------------

On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our
engagement
day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.

------------------------------------

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the
computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright

Be careful abuot chillderns....

Kid saw his mom messing with make up on her face & she said: Shit. when Kid asked: What is Shit ? Mom: it is 2nd word for Makeup.

then he saw his sister talking on phone abt Condoms. Kid asked her: what is a Condom ? Sister: Its 2nd word for Clothes.

Then Kid saw his father was cutting a chicken. when he cuts his finger & said Fuck, Kid asked: what is fuck ? Father: its 2nd word for Cutting.

Suddenly door bell rang Kid opened the door & his grandma came in & asked: where is every1 ?

Kid: Mom is upstairs putting shit on her face, Sister is putting condoms on & Daddy is Fucking the Chicken...

Something about "WOMEN"

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding

If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy

If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her

If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way

If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"

If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage

If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction

She is a womanIf you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring

If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk

In short:
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So damning, yet so wonderful
So confusing, yet so desirable... ...

Give Me a Kissssssssssss

One night a guy took his girlfriend home. As they were about to wish
each other goodnight at the front door, the guy started feeling a
little in the mood.

With an air of confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall
and smiling, he said to her "Honey, would you give me a kiss?"

Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asked grinning at
her.

"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"

"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!".

"No way. It's just too risky!"

"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"

"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!".

"Oh yes you can. Please?".... ......... .......

"No, no. I just can't"

"I'm begging you .. "

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on, and the girl's
older sister showed up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a
sleepy voice she said,

"Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss, or I can do it. Or if
need be, mom says she can come down herself and do it, but for God's
sake and all of ours....

"TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HAND OFF THE DOOR BELL!!"

Baby Names in Bihari Style.....

A MAN WAS WORKING IN MUMBAI, AND DID NOT MEET HIS

wife for four (4) years while his wife was in Patna (Bihar).

At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his
colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son.

His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this "Happy
event" happened when he had not seen his wife for four years...

The man said it is common in Bihar that neighbours take care of the
wife (good Samaritans) when men are away.

The colleagues asked him, "What name will you give to the son?"

The man explained, "If its the second neighbor who has taken
care,then the name would be "DWIVEDI";

If it is the third neighbor then it would
be "TRIVEDI",

If it is the fourth neighbor then it
would be "CHATURVEDI" ;

If its the fifth neighbor then it would
be "PANDEY"...

After listening to this, questions followed.

What if it is a mixture of neighbours?
"Then the boy would be named "MISHRA"...

And what if the wife is too shy to tell
the name of the neighbour?
Then it would be "SHARMA"...

But what if she refuses to divulge the
name of the neighbour?
Then the name of the child would be "GUPTA"...

If she does not remember the name then?
"It is YAAD-AV"

But who knows whether the child resulted
from a rape?
Then it will be named "DOSHI"...

Finally, if the child happened because
of wife's burning desire?
Then he will be named "JOSHI"...

And if the whole country had made efforts
for the happy arrival?....
"DESHPANDEY. "

Chaman Bhai Ki Kahani

Ek area mein Bhai rehta hai, Chaman Bhai..

Ab uskey area mein jo bhi koi lafda hota hai to police se pehle
Chaman Bhai ki adalat mein jaata hai....

Ek baar Chaman Bhai ke area mein rape ho jata hai, aur jisney game
bajayi hoti hai ukso pakad ke Chaman Bhai ke paas leke jatey
hain...

Chaman Bhai pehley to bahut shanti se, style mein, us sey baat
karta hai... kuch is tarah se...


Chaman : Kya re ? Tere ko maloom nahi yeh apun ka area hai?

Mujrim : Haan maloom hai na bhai.

Chaman : Phir kaisey himmat ki rape karne ki apun ke area mein?

Mujrim : Ab kya boloon bhai, kismat kharab thi.

Chaman : Chal mere ko sub kuch sach sach bata kya aur kaisey
hua?

Mujrim : Abhi kya na.. Idhar naake pe apun paan khaney ke liye
aaya...

Chaman : Phir ?

Murjim : Apun khade hokey paan kharela tha... aur utney mein
samney wali building pe apun ki nazar gayi...

Chaman : Aage bol

Mujrim : Udhar teesrey maaley pe ek chikni khadi hui thi

Chaman : Phir kya hua ?

Mujrim : Apun ko aisa laga ke usney ishaara kiya aaney ke
liye..

Chaman : Phir tuney kya kiya ?

Mujrim : Apun socha ke kuch kaam hoyenga usko..... to apun
builidng ke neeche gaya

Chaman : Phir ?

Mujrim : Usney Isharey se apun ko upar bulaaya... apun seedi
chadte yehich sochrela tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda
nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Chal fatafat aagey bol

Mujrim : Apun ne usko jaakey bola.... kya kaam hai.. kaiko
ishara kiya apun ko?

Chaman : Phir ?

Mujrim : Phir kya bhai, apun ko usney ghar ke andar kheech
liya

Chaman : (Excited) Phir ?

Mujrim : Apun ghar me to chala gaya lekin soch raha tha ki
"Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Aagey bol

Mujrim : Usney apun ka haath pakad liya

Chaman : Accha... Phir?

Mujrim : Sachchi bolta hai bhai haath pakadtey hi apun phir socha
"Chaman Bhai ka area hai...... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Phir kya hua ?

Mujrim : Phir kya tha... Usney bola chikney meri pyaas bujha de

Chaman : Phir tu kya bola (Getting Excited) ?

Mujrim : Apun kya bolta, usne apna duppata neechey gira diya

Chaman : To phir kya hua ?

Mujrim : Apun ke dimag ki dahi ho gaya, kya mammey (boobs) they
saali ke...lekin bhai phir bhi apun socha "Chaman Bhai ka area
hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Phir tuney kya kiya ?

Mujrim : Apun bola ek-do kiss karega aur chala jayega.....
zyada boli to body kaam karenga lekin engine nahi kholney ka....
Aakhir, "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Toh phir ?

Mujrim : Usney apun ko kheech liya.... sacchi bolta hai bhai
aisi katil jawaani apun akkhi life me nahi dekha.

Chaman : Haan, woh to hai.... Tu aage bol (Starts to heat up)

Mujrim : Phir kya tha.... apun ne kiss kiya, mammey (boobs) bhi
dabaya... lekin imaan se bolta hai, soch raha tha "Chaman Bhai ka
area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Aagey bol ?

Mujrim : Phir usney apni kameez utar di

Chaman : Phir ?

Mujrim : Phir salwar, lekin apun ke dil me ekich khayal aa raha
tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai.... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : Aagey aagey ?

Mujrim : phir blouse aur chaddi saali ne sab utar di

Chaman : sahi mein?

Mujrim : phir meri pant keech li

Chaman : Accha ?

Mujrim : meri underwear mein haath dal diya

Chaman : oh !!

Mujrim : chaddi utar di meri, lekin apun phir bhi socha "Chaman
Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman : (Getting frustrated). .

Mujrim : Phir woh haath phiraaney lagi

Chaman : (Half Boiling)

Mujrim : phir mooh ghumaaney lagi..... phir bhi apun yehi soch
raha tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai..... Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman: (About to blast) Aagey... aagey bol saley...

Mujrim: Chumney Chatney lagi bhaaaaiiii.. ...lekin bhai kasam
se......main yehi soch raha tha "Chaman Bhai ka area hai.....
Lafda nahi karne ka"

Chaman: Abey teri to... Chaman Bhai Gaya Maa Chudaney.... . tu
aage bol !

Mujrim : Yehich...... yehich - apun ne bhi yehi socha bhai.....aur
game baja dala.!!!

Mummon Pe Ek Sher

Jab tere chikoo the, sab tere pichhu the,

Jab tere aam hue, sab pareshan hue,

J tere kharbuje hue, bade ajube hue,

J tere jhool gaye, sab tujhe bhool gaye.

Akbar aur Randi Ki Kahani

Ek baar, Akbar ke darbar mein ek randi ne mujra kiya. Woh badi hi KANTEELI NACHANIYA thi.

Itni zor se naachi ke sabke bulb phuse ho gaye. Akbar bahut khush ho gaya.

Usne randi ko kaha, "Jamnabai, bol tujhe kya inaam chahiye meri jaan?

Sona-chandi, heere-moti, jaageer.... kya chahiye, bol.

Agar teri kisise dushmani ho to bhi bataa de......uski behen utha li jayegi."

Randi bahut khush hui muh maange inaam ki baat sunke. Par woh bahut hi kuti kism ki aurat thi.

Uske shanne dimaag mein to kuch aur hi tha.

Woh Akbar se boli, "Jahanpanah, jaan ki salaamat mile to kuch arz karoon".

Akbar waise hi uske naach pe bahut senti tha. Woh bola, "Jo marzi maang, Jamna darling".

Randi boli, "Jahanpanah, mujhe aapki raajgadi pe tatti karni hai."

Ek baar to Akbar ko samajh hi nahin aaya ki kya yeh randi BAWLI pagal to nahin ho gayi ?

Lekin woh manaa bhi nahin kar sakta tha....promise jo kar diya tha.

Usne randi ko kuch aur maangne ke liye kaha, par randi bhi bahut seasoned campaigner thi.... woh nahin maani.

Akbar bhi bechara kya karta, usne 15 din baad ki date dedi.

Usne socha ki baad mein randi pe pressure dalwa ke cancel karwa dega, par kutiya maan ke nahin deti thi.

Jab Tatti-day nazdeek aa gaya, Akbar ki haalat khasta ho gayi....usne us waqt Birbal ko yaad kiya.

Usne Birbal se kaha ki ab mughal sultanat ki izzat usi ke haath mein hai.

Birbal ne bhi Akbar ko promise kar diya ki chaahe use apni maa gali -gali, nachwani pade, woh mughal sultanat ki izzat pe aanch nahin aane dega. Akbar bhi nischint ho gaya.

Finally Tatti-day aa gaya. Akbar to raat bhar so bhi nahin saka.

saale ki khud ki tatti band ho gayi. Subah - subah randi ne darbaar mein grand entrance maara.

Kehne lagi, "Jahanpanah, main teen din se nahin hagi hoon... jaldi se raajgaddi pe haggi maarne ki vyawastha kijiye."

Akbar ne phatey rumal ke tarah Birbal ki taraf dekha. Birbal to kutai ki tarah has raha tha.

Apni seat se khada hua aur bola, "Jamnabai, tumne tatti karne ki demand ki thi....so karo.

Lekin agar ek boond bhi moot nikal aaya to yeh talwaar pet mein ghusa ke pheet se nikaal doonga."

Randi ko samajh aa gaya ki is baar uska paala kisi andu pandu se nahin, Birbal se pada hai.

Woh chup - chaap uthi aur ghar chali gayi.

4 Gujju Wives

Once 4 Gujju (Gujrati) wives met at a party talking about their husbands new cellular phones....

First gujju wife says to others... "Maro pati ne pass mota laura (motorola) che!....

Second gujju wife replies.."Aree sirf mota laura thi kya hoga? errection(ERICSSON) chahiye!....

So the third gujju wife step a up & says..."aree mota laura bhi thick hai, errection bhi thick hai, Par semen (seimens) nahi to kya fayda?...

And then the fourth said..

"Mota laura bhi ho, errecson bhi ho, semen bhi ho, lekin na kiya(nokiya) tho kya fayda??....Nachaniya

Ek Shayar Ki Kahani

A very chodu shaayar made it to the marriage party of Nizam's daughter. He was behaving pretty well when some people asked him to say a sher. These people were expecting something nice from him when he started...

SHER KAHE, SHAYARI KAHE YA GAYE KOI GANA
SHER KAHE, SHAYARI KAHE YA GAYE KOI GANA
TERI NANI PAIR UTHAYE, CHODE MERA NANA !

People were shocked to hear this though this shayar had a famous background of telling some really gandu shayaris. But this being a Royal Marriage, people requested him to say something about the wedding. To humare shayar sahab ne farmaya...

KYA HASEEN FIZZAA HAI INTAZAM KI...

People - WAH!, WAH, IRSHAAD, IRSHAAD !!!!

KYA HASEEN FIZZAA HAI INTAZAM KI...
KYA HASEEN FIZZAA HAI INTAZAM KI...
CHUDEGI AAJ LAUNDI NIZAM KI.

People were really angry to hear this. (probably most of them were not like us). They started abusing and throwing stones at him. On this he again started...

AIYE DHARTI KE CHAAND SITARON...

This calmed people a bit.

AIYE DHARTI KE CHAAND SITARON...
MAA KE LAUDON, PATTHAR TO NA MARO

People went out of control this time and started beating and kicking him. He begged for mercy but they were not ready to listen to him anymore, so he finally stated.

GARDISH MAIN HAI SITARE GAND MARLO HAMARI..
GARDISH MAIN HAI SITARE GAND MARLO HAMARI....
JAB BAHARE-CHAMAN MAIN HONGE, MAA CHOD-DENGE TUMHARI...

Rest is history. But the history stayed with him when he grew up. Ab jaahir hai ki aise chutiye ke prem me koi padega nahi. To yeh shayar Hyderabaad se Bombai pyaar ka chakkar chalane ke liye aaya.

Ek din usne ek achchhi ladki ko dekha. Ladki ka dhyaan kahi aur tha to shaayar sahaab ne wahi farma diya...
MUDHKAR ZARA IDHAR BHI DEKH ZAALIM
KE TAMANNA HUM BHI RAKHTE HAI
CHUT TERE PAAS HAI TO KYA
LUND HUM BHI RAKHTE HAI

You won't believe it. But the girl liked this shayri and she fell for him. Things went well for them for next few days lekin woh ladki kuch aage nahi badhne deti thi.
To ek suhane mousam pe humare dost ne use kahe hi dala...

DIL TO DIYA HAI TUJHE, PAR EK SHART LAGAYI HAI
LENI HAI WOH CHEEZ, JO TUNE TANGO ME CHHEEPAYI HAI

That was it! Ladki ek dam ruth gayi aur shayar se milna jhulna chhod diya. To shayar ki haalat bhi kharab ho gayi. Dost log bhi khairat puchhne chale aaye.

To cheer him up, they requested him to say a sher dedicated to her. So he goes...

BEDARD ZAMANA KYA JAANE
KYA CHEEZ JUDAAI HOTI HAI
HUM LUND PAKAD KAR BAITHE HAI
JABKI GHAR GHAR ME CHUDAI HOTI HAI

Yeh sunkar dost log hil gaye. Koi bola lund ko sambhalo. To koi kaheta hai ki agar lund ko pakad kar baitho ge to mutne kaise jaoge? To shayar bolta hai...

KOUN KAHETA HAI KI LUND YAHAN MUTNE-KO AATA HAI?
KOUN KAHETA HAI KI LUND YAHAN MUTNE-KO AATA HAI?
ARE WOH TO CHUT KI YAAD ME AANSU BAHANE AATA HAI

Yeh sun kar sab dost log aur bhi pareshaan ho gaye. Ek dost se to yeh suna bhi nahi gaya. To woh dost bolta hai ki mei kaise bhi karke teri darling ko waapis bulaunga.
Tere paas waapis aake tujh pe ek ehsaan karne khi bhikh mangooga.

Ab aap log to jaane ti ho ki yeh shayar log kitne independant hote hai. To humare shayar ko yeh ehsaan lene wali baat kuch pasand nahi aayi. To woh bola....

EHSAAN KISI KA KYA LENA, HUM TO MUTH PE GUZAARA KARTE HAI
EHSAAN KISI KA KYA LENA, HUM TO MUTH PE GUZAARA KARTE HAI
JAB BHI YAAD UNKI AATI HAI, OOTH OOTH DUBARA KARTE HAI

Mahebooba kabhi waapis nahi aayi. To uski yaad bhula ne ke liye wohi shaayar Delhi chala Gaya. Wahan jab Qutub Minar dekha to bola:

DEKH KE QUTUB MINAR, SHAYAR KA DIMMAG DODA
ASMAAN KO CHODNE CHALA DHARTI KA LAUDA

Is par Delhi police ki gaand mein khujli hui to usse pakad liya gaya aur court mein pesh kiya gaya. Jab Judge sahiba ne poocha "tumhe kuch kehna hai?" to woh bola:

AIYE SANAM, UTHA KALAM
MUJHE KASAM HAI RABKI
MUJHE KASAM HAI RABKI
MAA CHOD DOONGA SABKI...

On such a contempt of court, he was ordered to be hanged till death. When he was burried, the judge sahiba visited his grave. Needless to say she was very mad so she pissed on his grave.. Judge sahiba ke jane ke baad shayar ke bhoot ne ek arz farmaya...

WO AAYE HUMARI KABAR PAR, AUR MUTT KAR CHALE GAYE
WO AAYE HUMARI KABAR PAR, AUR MUTT KAR CHALE GAYE
MUTNE KA TO BAHANA THA, WOH CHUT DIKHAKAR CHALE GAYE...

Kya Aap Kabhi Lun Bane ho ?

Ravi Went To A Chemist Shop And Asked For A Condom Of His Size .

The Shop Owner Was Astonished To See Him Ask A Condom Of His Size.
So The Owner Told The Man To Place A Order And Come Back After One Week .
Ravi Places The Order And Goes Home. After One Week He Comes Back To The Shop Takes The Condom And Goes To His Home . The Shop Owner Feels Something Fishy About This So He Calls The Police And Tells Them About The Condom Issue.

The Police Taught That He Must Be Smuglling . The Police Goes To His Place , Ravi Lived On The Third Floor . When The Police Broke Opened The Door They Saw That Ravi Was Wearing That Big Condom.

So The Poice Says : "hands Up , Sala Suar Ka Baccha Smuglling Karega Itna Bada Condom Pehan Ke Apne Baap Ke Shaadi Main Jaa Raaha Hai Kya ? "
At This Ravi Replied : " Nahi Saahab , Aaj Ground Floor Main Fancy Dress Competition Hai Aur Main Usme Lund Ban Raha Hoon".

Man of God

A saadhu (saint) and a shikaari (hunter) meet in a forest. The shikaari sees a bird and shoots. He misses and exclaims: "Behanchood! I missed.". The saadhu says killing animals is wrong as it is and using dirty language when not succeeding makes it worse.
After some time the shikaari sees a deer and shoots. He misses again and shouts: "Lund saalaa! phir se missed"
The saadhu warns him: "If you use such crass language again. I will call upon the Gods to curse you." This time the hunter spots an elephant at ten meters range. He shoots and still misses and cries out: "Gaanduu! Missed even this."
The saint loses his tolerance and prays: "O God. This man has sinned thrice in front of a saint, despite warnings. Take him away.
" "Thooom!" There is a lightning bolt from the sky and the saadhu is vaporised.
Awestruck, the shikaari looks towards the sky and hears a thunder "Bhosadi waalae! I missed too."

Nothing to Fear

Two Desis are attending a call of nature in the forest. A lion appears.
Billoo asks : "Chotu, tujhe dar lag raha hai kyaa ?" (Chotu, are you afraid?)
Chotu: "Nahin toh. Main shaer sae nahin darata." (No I am not.)
Billo: "Jhoot bolata hai." (You are lying.)
Chotu: "Main aslee main nahin dar raha." (No. I am really not afraid.)
Billo: "toh saalae, phir apnee gaand dhoh, maeree kyoon dhoh raha hai ?"
(Then why don’t you wash your own arse; Why are you wiping mine?)

Ganpat Rai OR Gaand Phat Rahi Part -2

Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai!!
Ganpatrai : Ji maalik.
Col. Smith: Aaj tum ko 3 kaam karnee kaa haai
Ganpatrai : Hukum Sarkaar
Col. Smith: Tum pehla hamaari beti ko chodenga (drop her off)...baad mein hamaari biwi ko chodenga...aur uske baad mein hum ko chodenga.
Ganpatrai : Maaf karna Sarkaar, tumhari biwi aur beti to theek hai, lekin main aap ko nahi choddh sakta.
Col.Smith: Gand fatrahai! Tum ko hum ko chodnaa padhega.
Ganpatrai : Nahi sarkaar aisa zulum naa kare.
Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, agar tum hum ko nahi chod sakta to hum tumko nokri se nikaal denga. Ganpatrai : Theek hai sarkaar ....jo hukum. After a few days There is no one except
Col.Smith’swife at home. She is alone in her bedroom.While wearing her bra she is unable to Tie the knot behind.So......
Wife : Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo?
Ganpatrai : Ji Maalkin.
Wife : Gand fatrahai, hammara peeche se gaand maaro (gaanth maro-tie the bra knot). Ganpatrai : Yeh kya keh rahi hai Maalkin??
Wife : Gand fatrahai, jaldi se gaand maaro hum ko late hota hai.
Ganpatrai : Nahi Nahi Maalkin. Agar maine aisa kiya to hum ko sarkar kacha kha jayenge.
Wife : Gand fatrahai, agar tumne jaldi se hamari gaand nahi maari to hum tumko kacha kha jaayengi.
Ganpatrai : Theek hai maalkin. Jo hukum. Ganpatrai who has been frustrated by these Brits for a long time starts like a bull. Panic striken the wife tries to turn and shouts :
Wife : GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI !!! Ganpatrai :Memsaab...Gaand maarega to Gaand to phatega hiiiiiiiiiii

Ganpat Rai OR Gaand Phat Rahi Part-1

An Bihari GANPAT-RAI (who really needs a job) is being interviewed by Britisher, Colonel Smith.
Col.Smith: Haan toh Gaand Fat rahai (Ganpat-Rai) !!
Bihari: Nahi sir, jyada nahi!!
Col. Smith: Kya ‘jyada nahi’ bolta hai, tumhara application me likha Hua hai Gand fat rahai.
Bihari : Theekh hai mai baap, likha hai to fat raha hoga.
Col. Smith: Tum Daily marata hai (tum delhi me rahta hai)??
Bihari : Nahi sir, kabhi kabhi!!
Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo, kya ‘kabhi kabhi’ bolta hai? Tumhara application mein likha hua hai ki tum Daily marata hai.
Bihari : Theek hai mai bap, likha hai to marta honga.The Bihari was employed on one condition that he will do whatever Col.Smith’s family asks him to do.
Contd...........

Laloo in Microsoft

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA. A few days later he got this reply -

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bill Gates.

Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said: Bhaiyo aur Behnoo, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogi k hum ko America mein naukri mil gayee hay. Everyone was delighted.

Laloo prasad continued... Ab main aap sab ko apna appointment letter phar kar sunaoon gaa - par letter angreeze main hay – is liye. (Translation) ... Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ..... Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya, You do not meet —— aap to miltay hee naheen ho. our requirement —— humko zaroorat hai. Please do not send any furthur correspondance —— Letter vetter bhaij ne ka koouno zaroorat nahee. No phone call —— phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai. shall be entertained —— bahut khaatir kee jaye gi.
Thanks —— aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates —— Bilva.

Computerised Womens

• HARD-DISK Woman:She remembers everything, FOREVER.
• RAM Woman:She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
• WINDOWS Woman:Everyone knows that she can’t do a thing right,but no one can live without her.
• EXCEL Woman:They say she can do a lot of things but you mostlyuse her for your four basic needs.
• SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
• INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access.
• SERVER Woman:Always busy when you need her.
• MULTIMEDIA Woman:She makes horrible things look beautiful.
• CD-ROM Woman:She is always faster and faster.
• E-MAIL Woman:Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
• VIRUS Woman: Also known as "WIFE": when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her, you will loose something, If you don’t try to uninstall her you will lose everything

Help! Help!! Mere Lun Ka Accident Ho Haya...

Yesterday my LUN had an accident wid a PHUDDI
& admitted to CHOOT hospital near TOPA chowk.
Dr TATTA said : matter is serious GAND needed.
So plz donate ur GAND.........

Who Kills the Loin??

A 80 yrs old man to dr : meri 20 saal ki wife pregnant hai.
dr : 1 story suno1 shikari shikar pe jate huye jaldi mein gun ki jaga umbrella le gaya. Jungle mein uske samne lion aa gaya. Usne umbrella ka handle khaincha aur fire kar diya aur lion mar gya.
Old man : impossible........... kisi aur ne mara hoga.
dr : exactly ;-)

Aam Chooso

Kothay Par Police Ne Chapa Mara, Tumam Logo Ko Line Me Khara Kiya, Waha Se 1 Boorhi (Old) Aurat Guzri, Usne Line Me 1 Larki Se PochaYaha Kya Ho Raha Hai?
Larki: Aam Bant Rahe Hain.
Boorhi B Line Me Lag Gai, Jab Us Ka Number Aaya To Police Ne Kaha AMMa Aap Bhi?
Boorhi : Munh Main Daant Nahi To Kya Hua Choos To Sakti Hoon na......

I Would be a Bus Driver.......

A Kid In A Bus Sitting Behind Driver Starts Saying Kid : If My Dad Was A Bull And My Mom A Cow I'd Be A little Bull.
Driver Got Mad At Noisy Kid , Kid Continues...
Kid : If My Dad Was An Elephant And Mom A Girl Elephant So I Would Be A Little Elephant.
Kid Goes On And On With Many Animal Names.When Driver Gets Angry And Said..
Driver : If You Father Was GAY And Your Mother Was A Prostitute??
Kid Smiles And Said : I Would Be A BUS DRIVER ............

Whisper Ka Kamaal

16 sundria Swiming pool me naha rahi thi, achanak . . Pool ka sara pani sukh gaya !
Pucho kyun ?
?
?
?
?
?
Are Budhu.........
Yahi he asli WHISPER ka kamal"Gilepan ki Chhutti.. "

Dirty Jokes No.4

Chahta Hoon Tujhe Pyar Doon
Dosti Pe Apni Zindagi Waar Doon
Par Jab Tera koi REPLY Nahi Milta
To Dil Kerta Hy Teri G@ND me Goli Maar Doo......... ......... ........
..... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .
Father & son went to medical store. Father buys pack of condoms.
Son : Whats this?
Father : Its medicine for killing rats.
Son : O bhenchod! Ch00t mein bhi choohe..!
..... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .
Manmohan America gaye..>>
BUSH se bole, raat ko maal bhejo..! >>
Bush : 16 saal ki ya 20 ki..?
Manmohan : 65 ki bhejo,hum America ki beti nahi maa ch0dne aye hain..!!
..... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .
Husband: Tum meri kis cheez se sabse zyada impress ho..?Life Style,.Car,.Bank Balance.?
Biwi: Tumhare Sexx se..,tumhara jaisa Sexx mohalle me kisi ko nahi aata..!
..... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .
Teacher: Pappu, TAMSO MA JYOTIR GAMYA" shloka ka kya arth hai?
Pappu: Tum so jayo maa, mein Jyoti ke pass ja raha hoon
..... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .
Ye ladkiya b kitni chalaak hoti hain . Apna 16 rupye litre wala DUDH ka lalach dekar hamara 180 rupye kilo wala GHEE nikal leti hai..!
..... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .
Girl to boyfrnd-Dear, do u know apki lulli duniya ki sabse badi lulli hai??
boy-Achcha.
Girl-kyun ki, iske baad lund ki catagari hoti hai
..... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .
dentist was caught raping a girl. Next day headline, "Dentist caught filling wrong cavity".
..... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .
Newly married husbnd to wife at his in-laws home- chalo darlin aaj sex karte hai....!!!
wife- nahi ye mere baap ka ghar hai...!!
husbnd- to kya mere hi baap ne randi khana khol rakha hai????
..... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .
Ghalib ne fermaya : koi saheli na mili to na sahi , tere jesa dost tu mil gaya
...........WAH.........WAH..............
chalo choot na mili tu na sahi .. tere jesa chootiya tu mil gaya
..... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .

Mobile Handset

Nasbandi ki team ko dubara apne gaon me dekh kar ek budha bola, "In logo ne connection to pahle hi kat diya tha,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
...........................................ab kya HANDSET bhi le jayenge?

4th Monkey

Agar Gandhiji ke samay me AIDS hota to kya hota?.....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Hota Kya.....................
Phir chautha(4th) bandar underwear ke saamne haath karke khada hota..........

Life is Good, Laughing Makes it Better.....

Hi Friends,
Aadab arz hai......

Shadi Se Pehle aur Shadi K Baad
Abhi shaadi ka pehla hi saal tha,

Khushi ke maare mera bura haal tha,

Khushiyaan kuchh yun umad rahin thi,

Ki sambhale nahi sambhal rahi thi ..

Subah subah madam ka chai Le kar aana

Thoda sharmate huye humein neend se jagana,

Wo pyaar bhara hath hamare baalon mein phirana,

Muskurate huye kehna ki.. Darling chai to pi lo,

Jaldi se ready ho jao, Aap ko office bhi hai jaana.

Gharwali bhagwan ka roop Le kar aayee thi,

Dil aur dimag par poori tarah chhayee thi,

Saans bhi lete they to naam usee ka hota tha,

1 pal bhi door jeena dushwar hota tha..

Shadi K 5 Saal Baad

Subah subah madam ka chai Le kar aana,

Table par rakh kar jor se chillana,

Aaj office jao to munna ko School chodte hue jana...

Suno ek baar phir wohi awaaj aayi,

Kya baat hai abhi tak chhodi nahi charpayee,

Agar munna late ho gaya to dekh Lena,

Munna ki teachers ko phir khud hi sambhaal Lena..

Na Jane gharwali kaisa roop Le kar aayi thi,

Dil aur dimaag par kaali ghata chhayee thi,

Saans bhi lete hain to unhi ka khayal hota hai,

Ab har samay jehan mein ek hi sawal hota hai..

Kya kabhi who din laut ke aayenge,

Hum ek baar phir kunwaare Ho jaayenge.... ...!

Ab Aap Bhai Logon aur inki behno (Meri Bhabion) k liye hum le kar aaye hain naye-naye Mazedaar Non-Veg, Ek se Badkar Ek DIRTY Jokes Ka Khajana. Inhe Pad kar agar aap ki Gaand Main Khujli na ho gayee to main apna naam badal looga (mainly is blog main).

Are Haan Bhai aur Bhabiyo, Plz apni Valuable Comment jaroor De ta K mera Hamesha Khada Rahe (I mean Hosla Bana Rahe).....

Mouj Karo...........
(Are Haan Right Side wali Patti main Lage YouTube Video Dekhna Na Bhoolna.....Aap inhe dekh kar sikh jayege k public main Boob Kaise Dabaye Jaate Hain.....)

(All jokes are not mine....i collect them Yahan-Wahan)

Aap Ka Pyara Chhota Bhai aur Dewar
-Ali