Man of God

A saadhu (saint) and a shikaari (hunter) meet in a forest. The shikaari sees a bird and shoots. He misses and exclaims: "Behanchood! I missed.". The saadhu says killing animals is wrong as it is and using dirty language when not succeeding makes it worse.
After some time the shikaari sees a deer and shoots. He misses again and shouts: "Lund saalaa! phir se missed"
The saadhu warns him: "If you use such crass language again. I will call upon the Gods to curse you." This time the hunter spots an elephant at ten meters range. He shoots and still misses and cries out: "Gaanduu! Missed even this."
The saint loses his tolerance and prays: "O God. This man has sinned thrice in front of a saint, despite warnings. Take him away.
" "Thooom!" There is a lightning bolt from the sky and the saadhu is vaporised.
Awestruck, the shikaari looks towards the sky and hears a thunder "Bhosadi waalae! I missed too."

Nothing to Fear

Two Desis are attending a call of nature in the forest. A lion appears.
Billoo asks : "Chotu, tujhe dar lag raha hai kyaa ?" (Chotu, are you afraid?)
Chotu: "Nahin toh. Main shaer sae nahin darata." (No I am not.)
Billo: "Jhoot bolata hai." (You are lying.)
Chotu: "Main aslee main nahin dar raha." (No. I am really not afraid.)
Billo: "toh saalae, phir apnee gaand dhoh, maeree kyoon dhoh raha hai ?"
(Then why don’t you wash your own arse; Why are you wiping mine?)

Ganpat Rai OR Gaand Phat Rahi Part -2

Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai!!
Ganpatrai : Ji maalik.
Col. Smith: Aaj tum ko 3 kaam karnee kaa haai
Ganpatrai : Hukum Sarkaar
Col. Smith: Tum pehla hamaari beti ko chodenga (drop her off)...baad mein hamaari biwi ko chodenga...aur uske baad mein hum ko chodenga.
Ganpatrai : Maaf karna Sarkaar, tumhari biwi aur beti to theek hai, lekin main aap ko nahi choddh sakta.
Col.Smith: Gand fatrahai! Tum ko hum ko chodnaa padhega.
Ganpatrai : Nahi sarkaar aisa zulum naa kare.
Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, agar tum hum ko nahi chod sakta to hum tumko nokri se nikaal denga. Ganpatrai : Theek hai sarkaar ....jo hukum. After a few days There is no one except
Col.Smith’swife at home. She is alone in her bedroom.While wearing her bra she is unable to Tie the knot behind.So......
Wife : Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo?
Ganpatrai : Ji Maalkin.
Wife : Gand fatrahai, hammara peeche se gaand maaro (gaanth maro-tie the bra knot). Ganpatrai : Yeh kya keh rahi hai Maalkin??
Wife : Gand fatrahai, jaldi se gaand maaro hum ko late hota hai.
Ganpatrai : Nahi Nahi Maalkin. Agar maine aisa kiya to hum ko sarkar kacha kha jayenge.
Wife : Gand fatrahai, agar tumne jaldi se hamari gaand nahi maari to hum tumko kacha kha jaayengi.
Ganpatrai : Theek hai maalkin. Jo hukum. Ganpatrai who has been frustrated by these Brits for a long time starts like a bull. Panic striken the wife tries to turn and shouts :
Wife : GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI !!! Ganpatrai :Memsaab...Gaand maarega to Gaand to phatega hiiiiiiiiiii

Ganpat Rai OR Gaand Phat Rahi Part-1

An Bihari GANPAT-RAI (who really needs a job) is being interviewed by Britisher, Colonel Smith.
Col.Smith: Haan toh Gaand Fat rahai (Ganpat-Rai) !!
Bihari: Nahi sir, jyada nahi!!
Col. Smith: Kya ‘jyada nahi’ bolta hai, tumhara application me likha Hua hai Gand fat rahai.
Bihari : Theekh hai mai baap, likha hai to fat raha hoga.
Col. Smith: Tum Daily marata hai (tum delhi me rahta hai)??
Bihari : Nahi sir, kabhi kabhi!!
Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo, kya ‘kabhi kabhi’ bolta hai? Tumhara application mein likha hua hai ki tum Daily marata hai.
Bihari : Theek hai mai bap, likha hai to marta honga.The Bihari was employed on one condition that he will do whatever Col.Smith’s family asks him to do.
Contd...........

Laloo in Microsoft

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA. A few days later he got this reply -

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bill Gates.

Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said: Bhaiyo aur Behnoo, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogi k hum ko America mein naukri mil gayee hay. Everyone was delighted.

Laloo prasad continued... Ab main aap sab ko apna appointment letter phar kar sunaoon gaa - par letter angreeze main hay – is liye. (Translation) ... Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ..... Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya, You do not meet —— aap to miltay hee naheen ho. our requirement —— humko zaroorat hai. Please do not send any furthur correspondance —— Letter vetter bhaij ne ka koouno zaroorat nahee. No phone call —— phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai. shall be entertained —— bahut khaatir kee jaye gi.
Thanks —— aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates —— Bilva.

Computerised Womens

• HARD-DISK Woman:She remembers everything, FOREVER.
• RAM Woman:She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
• WINDOWS Woman:Everyone knows that she can’t do a thing right,but no one can live without her.
• EXCEL Woman:They say she can do a lot of things but you mostlyuse her for your four basic needs.
• SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
• INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access.
• SERVER Woman:Always busy when you need her.
• MULTIMEDIA Woman:She makes horrible things look beautiful.
• CD-ROM Woman:She is always faster and faster.
• E-MAIL Woman:Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
• VIRUS Woman: Also known as "WIFE": when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her, you will loose something, If you don’t try to uninstall her you will lose everything

Help! Help!! Mere Lun Ka Accident Ho Haya...

Yesterday my LUN had an accident wid a PHUDDI
& admitted to CHOOT hospital near TOPA chowk.
Dr TATTA said : matter is serious GAND needed.
So plz donate ur GAND.........

Who Kills the Loin??

A 80 yrs old man to dr : meri 20 saal ki wife pregnant hai.
dr : 1 story suno1 shikari shikar pe jate huye jaldi mein gun ki jaga umbrella le gaya. Jungle mein uske samne lion aa gaya. Usne umbrella ka handle khaincha aur fire kar diya aur lion mar gya.
Old man : impossible........... kisi aur ne mara hoga.
dr : exactly ;-)

Aam Chooso

Kothay Par Police Ne Chapa Mara, Tumam Logo Ko Line Me Khara Kiya, Waha Se 1 Boorhi (Old) Aurat Guzri, Usne Line Me 1 Larki Se PochaYaha Kya Ho Raha Hai?
Larki: Aam Bant Rahe Hain.
Boorhi B Line Me Lag Gai, Jab Us Ka Number Aaya To Police Ne Kaha AMMa Aap Bhi?
Boorhi : Munh Main Daant Nahi To Kya Hua Choos To Sakti Hoon na......

I Would be a Bus Driver.......

A Kid In A Bus Sitting Behind Driver Starts Saying Kid : If My Dad Was A Bull And My Mom A Cow I'd Be A little Bull.
Driver Got Mad At Noisy Kid , Kid Continues...
Kid : If My Dad Was An Elephant And Mom A Girl Elephant So I Would Be A Little Elephant.
Kid Goes On And On With Many Animal Names.When Driver Gets Angry And Said..
Driver : If You Father Was GAY And Your Mother Was A Prostitute??
Kid Smiles And Said : I Would Be A BUS DRIVER ............

Whisper Ka Kamaal

16 sundria Swiming pool me naha rahi thi, achanak . . Pool ka sara pani sukh gaya !
Pucho kyun ?
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Are Budhu.........
Yahi he asli WHISPER ka kamal"Gilepan ki Chhutti.. "

Dirty Jokes No.4

Chahta Hoon Tujhe Pyar Doon
Dosti Pe Apni Zindagi Waar Doon
Par Jab Tera koi REPLY Nahi Milta
To Dil Kerta Hy Teri G@ND me Goli Maar Doo......... ......... ........
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Father & son went to medical store. Father buys pack of condoms.
Son : Whats this?
Father : Its medicine for killing rats.
Son : O bhenchod! Ch00t mein bhi choohe..!
..... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .
Manmohan America gaye..>>
BUSH se bole, raat ko maal bhejo..! >>
Bush : 16 saal ki ya 20 ki..?
Manmohan : 65 ki bhejo,hum America ki beti nahi maa ch0dne aye hain..!!
..... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .
Husband: Tum meri kis cheez se sabse zyada impress ho..?Life Style,.Car,.Bank Balance.?
Biwi: Tumhare Sexx se..,tumhara jaisa Sexx mohalle me kisi ko nahi aata..!
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Teacher: Pappu, TAMSO MA JYOTIR GAMYA" shloka ka kya arth hai?
Pappu: Tum so jayo maa, mein Jyoti ke pass ja raha hoon
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Ye ladkiya b kitni chalaak hoti hain . Apna 16 rupye litre wala DUDH ka lalach dekar hamara 180 rupye kilo wala GHEE nikal leti hai..!
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Girl to boyfrnd-Dear, do u know apki lulli duniya ki sabse badi lulli hai??
boy-Achcha.
Girl-kyun ki, iske baad lund ki catagari hoti hai
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dentist was caught raping a girl. Next day headline, "Dentist caught filling wrong cavity".
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Newly married husbnd to wife at his in-laws home- chalo darlin aaj sex karte hai....!!!
wife- nahi ye mere baap ka ghar hai...!!
husbnd- to kya mere hi baap ne randi khana khol rakha hai????
..... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .
Ghalib ne fermaya : koi saheli na mili to na sahi , tere jesa dost tu mil gaya
...........WAH.........WAH..............
chalo choot na mili tu na sahi .. tere jesa chootiya tu mil gaya
..... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .

Mobile Handset

Nasbandi ki team ko dubara apne gaon me dekh kar ek budha bola, "In logo ne connection to pahle hi kat diya tha,
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...........................................ab kya HANDSET bhi le jayenge?

4th Monkey

Agar Gandhiji ke samay me AIDS hota to kya hota?.....
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Hota Kya.....................
Phir chautha(4th) bandar underwear ke saamne haath karke khada hota..........